How to Make Friends in the Army

1: Be Mormon (seriously, a huge help. Gotta love it when people ask you about your faith and then invariably say "I know a few Mormons. They are all the nicest people.")

2: Be willing to be designated driver for your platoon.

3: Repeat.

That is about all it takes. I went from feeling sort-of left out to suddenly being everyone's best friend as soon as my classmates found out that I would be DD if they needed me. Especially since a single alcohol related incident would be grounds for getting kicked out of the program. On Saturday night, a bunch of my classmates wanted to venture out and explore San Antonio. There is a club here called Cowboys that is supposed to be pretty famous, and this is where they were planning on going via taxi, when my battle buddy remembered that I don't drink, and hence could drive them. The level of excitement over this idea was almost comical, but they were already a little lose by the time of this conversation, so whatever.

So we headed over to the club. It was actually a pretty cool place. Huge by all standards. Gigantic dance floor with a stage for live music, really tight but unremarkable country band on the huge stage, and just about everything else you could imagine being in a honky-tonk, including a mechanical bull. The bar itself is gigantic. Anyway, the group I came with let loose and had a really good time, and I felt good that I could help them get home in one non-arrested piece. I also had a lot of fun, which seemed to surprise the guys I was with, since I was still sober, and they apparently equate 'sober' with 'fun-impaired.'

It was a good night, and I felt like I was included into the group in a sincere way by the time we were driving home. So who know the tee-totalling Mormon kid from Utah would make a good party buddy?

Oh, and for the last few days training has been kinda unremarkable, which is why I haven't written much. And also I have been exhausted. In fact, if there is one remarkable thing, it would be how tired I have been. I literally fell asleep standing up at the back of the room during one of the lectures.

One thing that I should write about is the brigade run that we did on Thursday morning. A Brigade is a very large group. Our company has 360 or so people in it, and the brigade has 5 companies in it. So all told, we were a group of more than 1000 soldiers. We all formed up in our PT uniforms (grey ARMY tee-shirts, black shorts, and yellow reflective belts for safety and added geek effect) in a mass formation on the PT field. After a brief pep-talk and obligatory safety brief from the Commanding Officer, we headed out, with my A Company in the lead.

It was a little over two miles all told, and I have no idea how fast we covered the distance, but it was not fast. Nor was it particularly strenuous. By the time we were done, I was winded, but not sucking air or anything. No side-aches, cramps or any of that nonsense. All encouraging signs that I may be actually getting in shape again.

The most remarkable thing about the brigade run was this overwhelming sense of team, of being a very small piece in a very large machine. The run was all done in-time, which means there was a cadre (team, staff, etc.) member running with us, calling out cadences. Essentially we were marching in double time. Having someone call out LEFT. . .LEFT. . .LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT while you are jogging is actually really cool. And when everyone manages to actually run according to that cadence, the whole mass of bodies sways when you sway, bounces when you bounce. I had a few moments where I got the chills just thinking about all the synergy and cooperation that I was involved in. I was also very proud. There are some highly distinguished individuals in that group, from surgeons to ex-enlisted who have already been deployed multiple times. To be one of them, to run with them, was pretty flattering.

The cadences that were called during the run were pretty cool. Some were funny, and one was disturbing. It is basically what you see in the movies. An enormous group of soldiers go jogging by, shouting at the top of their lungs into the morning air. First the sergeant yells "THEY SAY THAT IN THE ARMY, THE FOOD IS MIGHTY FINE!" Then the whole group, or whoever is close enough to hear the cadence, repeat that same phrase back, in a more or less perfect echo. Then its: "A CHICKEN JUMPED OFF THE TABLE AND STARTED MARCHING TIME!" or some other mildly humorous line. Before I joined the Army, I thought those cadences were merely for breaking the monotony of yelling LEFT. . .LEFT. . .LEFT all the time. But now I know they are really an aerobic training tool. It is one thing to run two miles in a group. It is something else entirely to do it while yelling long sentences at the top of your lungs the whole time. No room for huffing and puffing while singing about Captain Jack and his knife/gun/bottle/bible, and how you are going do your best for Uncle Sam.

Wow, reading over this, I guess my lack of entries was more due to tiredness than to lack of things to write about, lol. But that will have to do it for today. One more day off, then it is back in the saddle. Tomorrow I do some laundry, and see what I can find to do within walking distance of the hotel. Or maybe, if it is too hot, I will just do laundry and hang out by the pool.

Slow Days are Good Days

Today was a pretty easy one, at least for me. The company (which is the military term for a very large group, such as my class of 300+ new officers) started the day out doing physical training, or PT. This would have been my first PT, but I couldn't join the company, because I had to go to the ophthalmologist on base to get a prescription for my combat eye wear. So instead of working out in the Texas heat (it was 85 degrees and 60% humidity at 5:00) I had to stand in line with a bunch of other soldiers to get glasses. Not exactly heroic.

After that, it was pretty much a day spent in classes, getting some briefings from higher ranking officers. We got out a little early, because one of the presenters was a no-show, so I was able to get in a lengthy work out of my own to make up for missing PT. I have been able to get my run and push up numbers good enough to pass the PT test, but sit ups are still a problem. I am holding out hope that I will somehow be able to get my abs and hip-flexors up to snuff by this time next week when the first PT test happens. The really good news is that I had my best run so far, doing two miles in under 17 minutes, and it wasn't even especially challenging. Hopefully I can replicate it during the test.

I am also starting to get to know my classmates, and hung out with a few of them in the evening at the hotel pool while soaking my legs after the run. It seems like an extraordinarily cool group of people, but a lot of us have been slow to find buddies or make connections, so it was nice to spend some time getting to know people in the groups.

So it was a pretty uneventful day, but in a good way. I even might manage to get 6 hours of sleep tonight, if I manage to get off this computer sometime soon.

How to Lose Five Pounds in One Day

First: Go to Texas in late summer.
Second: Put on long pants, undershirt, and a long-sleeved jacket. Oh, and also wear a black wool hat.
Third: Walk around.

That is it. Instant five pounds of weight lost through your pores.

Potential side effects: Severe dehydration; soaking your clothes so you feel disgustingly soggy all day; sweat stains and salt lines in strange places (upper, outer thigh?); and feeling irresistibly drawn to all sorts of air conditioning.

Seriously, I lost more than five pounds today. I only hope that some of that weight loss is of a more permanent nature, since I am also drinking like a fish to make up for water loss. And it is not like we were doing anything strenuous. We just had a group march, at a slow pace, from one building on base to another. Took us maybe 30 minutes. But by the time we got to where we were going, I was drenched in sweat, as was almost everyone else.

It seems that the Army has 5 classifications of heat conditions, and these classifications determine what can and cannot be done in terms of strenuous physical activity. Well, we have been in Class 5 Heat Conditions ever since I got here. When we line up at 4:00 for role call, which should theoretically be the coldest part of the day, it is already 85 degrees outside. But, since we can't exactly phone in our training, we have to get together and do some limited stuff outside in the heat. I am hoping that I can get used to the heat pretty quick, because sweating a half gallon a day is not my idea of an ideal way to spend 9 weeks in Texas.

Now, Officially, Lt. Dan.

It is official. As of today at approx 11:00 am, I raised my right hand and swore to defend the Constitution of the United States from enemies both foreign and domestic, and became, fully and legally, and officer in the United States Army.

It was a pretty cool experience. Both rushed and sort of sacred. All of the other direct commissioning officers stood up on the stage and gave the oath together. To say those words "defend the Constitution of the United States" was a really powerful thing for me. I think it is remarkable that the oath is not simply "to defend the United States" but rather the Constitution first, and then secondarily "the nation" of that constitution. So essentially I know work to defend the basic rights of the people of America, as well as defend the people themselves. That is simply awesome.

Besides the oath, today was grueling. Up at 3:30 am, we mustered for role call, then boarded buses to head onto the base. Our hotel is surprisingly far from the base, taking almost half an hour to drive there. I guess everything closer was either booked or too small. It is awesome to watch the other hotel guests try to figure out why there are 300 Army officers walking around. Most look like they think Martial Law has been declared or something. Anyway, I digress. The rest of the day was tedious. One briefing after another about Army paperwork, customs, uniforms, etc. All of it was good and necessary information, but after getting up 3.5 hours before the sun, it was hard to stay awake through.

I sat next to a freshly minted Major, who, like me, is a brand-new ex-civilian. We struck up a conversation, and sort of did everything together that day. We were all trying to put on our game faces, but she seemed to be especially out of sorts, and while I am sure she is a fantastic surgeon, just doesn't seem to have a knack for the military thing. Or at least, seems to have even less of a knack for it than I have. At any rate, she seemed like she could use some help so I kind of shepherded her through things, helped her with her bags when the heat got to be too much for her, etc. Consider it my good turn for the day.

Tomorrow is supposed to be more of the same with the same masochistic start-time, so I am off for the night.

Oh, and for the record, while I was sitting in briefings all day, Dana was driving home. All the way from San Antonio to Denver, in one stab. That is over 900 miles, for those who are counting. More than 14 hours of driving. My wife is a friggin road warrior. I love you, babe.

You're In the Army Now

So, I am still not quite officially in the Army. That happens when I take the oath of office, which should be taking place sometime tomorrow. Preferably early in the day, since I am supposed to show up tomorrow in my uniform, with my Lieutentant's bars on it and everything. Officially, I think wearing my uniform in public without having taken the oath of office could be considered impersonating an officer, but I am not sure about that.

Anyway, tomorrow things really get rolling. Dana and I got back from our cruise this morning, raced across Texas, getting only one speeding ticket for our troubles (seriously). The first thing I did when I got here was go through in-processing, which was essentially walking from station to station in a hotel lobby, picking up various forms, filling them out, getting measured and weighed, etc. Really basic stuff. After that was all done, which took little over an hour, Dana and I said our tearful goodbyes and she headed off to her hotel for the night.

The unexpected twist was that I headed off to my rooms, which were in the same hotel. The San Antonio Airport Holiday Inn, to be precise. Pretty swanky, in fact. I got a room on the 10th floor, nice cushy bed and even a selection of soft or firm pillows. Hardly what anyone would expect from boot camp. On the other hand, we have to assemble in the parking lot at 0400 tomorrow, which is more or less precisely what I would have expected from boot camp.

There are a lot of people here. More than I expected, and I have only seen the group that is at the hotel. There are more of us on base, as well. I have been assigned to 5th Battalion of Alpha Company, which was determined alphabetically, as far as I can tell. I have already had a chance to meet and talk with some of my classmates, and most of them seem to be pretty classy.

The best spin yet is my roommate. He comes from Idaho, seems like a really decent sort, and best of all, he is LDS too, which of course eliminates the dreaded explaining of the magic underwear or questions about polygamy. He was in the National Guard prior to coming to Basic Officer Leadership Course, so I hope he can be a patient source of info and answers to all my hopelessly green rookie questions.

Well, 0400 comes early, so I am off to bed.

Training for the Army, Part 2

Still waiting on orders, which is getting to be a trial of patience on a Biblical scale. How do you get ready to move, sell your house, pack your stuff (or sell your stuff), plan a smooth departure from work, make arrangements to see friends and family, plan a vacation, get into SoldierShape and get ready for a massive sea-change in lifestyle, all while not knowing which continent you are going to be living on in two months? Well, ask me again in two months and I will be able to tell you.

For now, we still only have the date of my training start, which actually complicates things, since it means if the house doesn't sell, that Dana will have to come back to Colorado on her own and finalize everything by herself while I learn how to throw hand grenades. Of course, she is completely capable of doing it by herself, but it is not a prospect she is exactly looking forward to.

For now we are trying to stay focused on what we CAN do, such as selling the house and getting my sorry carcass into SoldierShape. We listed on Wednesday, so if you know anyone who is thinking of moving to Aurora, CO, please tell them that there is a pristine, adorable, magical and attractive home for sale at well below market value with absolutely 0 damage or repairs needed. We really have taken very good care of our home. (Seriously, if you know anyone who is thinking of moving to the Denver area, please send them our way.) [Seriously.]

As to the SoldierShape aspect, I made my first real gains in the fitness arena. My first 2 mile run was embarrassing. My time was somewhere around 25 minutes, including stops to talk to my wife, who I think had driven out to find me and make sure I was still alive. My second run time was more precisely measured, and came in at 21:30, and my third came in at 20:19. I will not be racing in the Olympics any time soon, but I was pleased with myself that I knocked over a minute off in a day's time.

The other two parts of the fitness test are push ups and sit ups. On the push ups I am close. I can crank out 30 without difficulty, and should be able to work up to the 40 needed relatively easily over two months. The sit ups are a different story. Sometime between my wrestling days and now, I appear to have misplaced my abs. I thought they were just hiding under my new upholstery, but it turns out that I have lost them entirely, and will have to grow new ones from scratch. For the test I will need to produce at least 45 sit ups. At present, I am on the verge of a hernia just trying to eek out 18. This is both puzzling and embarrassing. I blame it on Carl's Junior, my massive head, and 6 years of sitting on my can for a living. (For the record, and because she insisted, Dana can do 50 situps. There is no end to my flabby shame.)

So, over the last three days of training, I have succeeded in making every major muscle group painfully sore, dropped more than a minute off my run time, and had a rude reality check about my strength to body weight ratio. I am optimistic that I can still make the minimums relatively easily, but the sit up number has got to climb in a hurry.

Joining the Army

Those of you who know me will probably already know that I have accepted a commission to the US Army. This is, of course, a major change in our lives, and is part of the reason that I haven't blogged since January. When so much is up in the air, it is hard to know what to write about.

But now we know for sure, and we are getting ready for this new adventure. Since I have never done anything like this, I figured it would be interesting to keep a record of it. Think of it as An Army Newb's Diary.

The first thing that I learned in this process is that the Army is a very, VERY large organization. And like any very large organization, it is common for one office to not know what the others are doing. We got a lot of quazi-conflicting information during the recruitment process, and a lot of soft commitments that didn't quite work out as advertized. Most specifically, we have learned that "by the end of the week" is Army code for "sometime in the near, or almost-near future."
We also learned that, like other large organizations, they can be worked with and are succeptable to horse-trading.

My recruiter was a trooper. I think he suffered more from the changes in plan and misinformation than we did, because he had to be the bearer of bad news when time-lines changed. He also had to do some damage control, because a few of the perks that he said were a virtual lock turned out to no longer be offered by the Army. All in all, though, he did right by us and it was clear that he was doing the best that he could to represent a complex and constantly changing organization. I felt bad for him, since we were intentionally picky and made him double-check on a lot of things.

So now we are experiencing what we have been told is standard practice for the Army: Hurry Up and Wait. We have put in all our papers, my commission has been approved, and I have been assigned a spot in the Officer Basic Leadership Course. The only thing we don't know is where we will be spending the next few years of our lives. I am currently exchanging emails with the Career Specialist who makes those assignments, and she keeps telling me it will be done by the end of the week. Of course, she started saying that three weeks ago.

My training will start on Aug 30. I will be training at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas. Based on what I have read from other bloggers and from the official site, the training sounds like it will be a lot of fun. I will get some basic training on several types of weapons (possibly even a 50 caliber machine gun, WOOT!) as well as some other practical field training. To me it sounds like an awesome two week adventure camping trip. To Dana, it sounds more like the third ring of hell.

The only thing I am worried about is the Physical Fitness Test. Right now my running times are, well, less than ideal. So I am on a program now to get in shape before I report. I have two months to get my 2 minute mile times below 17:00 minutes, which is the minimum. I am shooting for 15:00, but as long as I pass I will be excited. The push-up and sit-up portions of the test should be less of a problem, but I am training on those as well. I will keep track of my times on this blog, mostly as a way for me to track my progress over time.

More thoughts to come later. Signing off for now.