Iran

OK, so if you watch the news today, you see two things: crying, pathetic, two-faced, lying POS governors who will trade their families, wives and careers for a skanky latina homewrecker. (see my last post)
OR
You see coverage, or better the lack of coverage of what is going on in Iran. Since I have already ranted about the governor, I want to say a word or two about Iran.
For the first time in my life, I find myself rooting for Iran. Not for the leadership of Iran – I think they are self-righteous, hypocritical, hegemonic scumbags who have no respect for their people, and who know they only way they can retain power is to repress the voices of their citizens. No, I am not a fan of President I’madinnerjacket or of Supreme-Dictator-For-Ever-Because-I-Am-More-Righteous-Than-You Al’choholy. I hope those guys both die the death of a thousand cuts.
No, I am finding myself rooting for the common Iranians. I am so proud of them for marching and protesting, even though they face imprisonment, violence or even death for doing just that. When I hear about these protests, instead of imagining Iran as being a haven for radicals and extremist baby-killing-suicide-bombers, I imagine Iran more like a college campus in the 1960s. Or, maybe more accurately, like Boston of the 1770s. I see a people who have rallied together, not to oppress, but to stand up for the principle that their voices deserve to be heard.
In America, it was ‘No Taxation without Representation’ and in Iran it seems to be ‘Transparent Government and True Democracy.’ The people are standing up to an oppressive ruler, just like a bunch of uneducated, back-water colonists did in 1776. They have the Ayatollah, we had King George.
Another parallel I see is this: the results of Iran’s recent presidential election may, in fact be completely legal and legit. But the way the Iranian government is treating their people is certainly anything but. When the Stamp Tax (the thing that prompted the Boston Tea Party, for you non-history geeks) was enacted, it was completely legal. But we rebelled against the principle according to which that tax was passed: our voices were not being heard, and our people were being repressed. Well, that is exactly what is happening in Iran, and their people have certainly been oppressed on a greater level than stamp and paper taxation.
So I find myself rooting for Iran. I can only hope that modern politics and the ticklish nature of Iran’s relationship with the rest of the world doesn’t kill this movement before it really gets a chance to mature. I believe that, if Iran’s people carry the day over the current government, a new Iran could emerge as a force for democracy and justice in what was once the most troubled and turbulent area of the middle east. I kinda like the thought of Iran becoming the leading force for democratic reform in the middle east. I also like the idea of an Iran who is a close ally of America, instead of a scary enemy who may or may not blow us into nuclear winter.
Of course, time will tell. It wasn’t until after WWI that the majority of the world even took the United States of America seriously. Europe looked at our form of democracy as a quaint oddity. But we persevered and grew to be the most powerful, influential power in the world. Iran certainly has the same chances, if the movement that is now brewing is able to survive long enough mature beyond being merely reactionary. Of course, they will need a good deal of luck to have things go their way, but my hopes and prayers go with them.

Double Standards

If you are watching the news, you have undoubtedly heard about this governor from North Carolina who lied to basically everyone about going on vacation in the Appalachian trail, while he was really cheating on his wife with some lady in Argentina.
This story is getting a ton of coverage, and two things have stood out to me: first, that the guy at least had the decency to come out and admit what he did, rather than conjure up yet another lie to cover his tracks. I respect that. If you are going to be a spineless, disloyal and deceitful slime, at least own up to it.
But the second thing that stood out to me is what I want to rant about: the double-standard of American media coverage and culture (and of the North Carolina governor, apparently). This man admittedly had an affair, and got caught. Sucks to be him right now, but he certainly should have known this would happen. As a result of the controversy, he has resigned as the president of the Republican Governors association or something like that, but not as governor of his state. And that is what people are talking about, which is driving me nuts.
Granted, this guy cooked up some ridiculous story about a farcical vacation while he snook away to betray his wife and family, as well as prove himself to be a hypocrite of the highest order. So he is guilty of not covering his tracks very well, of lying and of cheating on his wife. Those three things only differentiate him from the vast majority of politicians in that he didn’t cover his tracks.
I can probably count the number of politicians I believe to be faithful husbands or wives on one hand (go Mitt!). The Bill Clintons probably outnumber the honest politicians 10 to 1. So the question that I am forced to ask myself is why people are giving this guy such a hard time. Why are they all demanding his head? Because he had an affair? If that was the case, then we would have to re-people American politics on a whole-sale basis. This is where the double-standard comes in. For some politicians, dalliances are permitted, and even (as in the case of Teflon Willie) admired. But for others they are a political death sentence, and I just can’t see any way that is fair.
My personal politics is this: if you get married, you have made a legal agreement to not have sex with anyone else. Period. In truth, I would love to see every politician who lacks the rudimentary common sense required to not trade your career for a piece of intern ass get kicked to the curb. But it is not going to happen.
I would also like to live in a world where it is impossible for people to criticize someone for doing something that they are doing themselves. You have these commentators and pundits who are up in arms, but my inner cynical prophet tells me that most of these wind-bags are only years away from their own affair scandal.
Stuff like this makes me tired, because people only claim to care when the affair is sensational, but when it is their own marriage, it seems that virtually the whole world thinks cheating on, betraying, harming, embarrassing, and debasing their spouses is completely OK, as long as you don’t get caught.
And that is the other thing: why should this guy resign? Does his affair somehow make him a less competent governor? Sure it is bad for his public image, but he is still the same guy he was before he decided to partake of some sex-tourism. If he hadn’t been caught, nobody would have ever thought less of him. I heard today that he was on the short list for Presidential candidacy for 2012 before he stupided himself to career death. If he had not been outed, he could have easily been elected, and likely would have run on his “upstanding character and family values.” And people would have voted for him. But he got caught, so we can be mad at him, while selectively choosing to NOT be mad at ourselves, or our favorite movie stars, who do the exact same thing as him. Because we, famously, are two-faced, double-standard-loving, hypocrites.

High Time for a Blog, Methinks!

Wow, more than a month with no ranting. . . Either I am really busy, really distracted, or I have attained Nirvana. You decide. At any rate, it is time for me to descend from my exalted state of Zen bliss to share a rant with the world once again.

In my crosshairs today: TV commercials that are not only stupid, but which insult the collective intelligence of their audiences.

I have several complaints about commercials. In fact, I have a LOT of complaints about commercials. Here are a few of them:

Volume: It is completely ridiculous that TV commercials are broadcast at 10 or more decibels louder than the program they are sponsoring. How on earth is this kind of crap not illegal? Sometimes, I will be watching a dramatic movie that is using volume to build suspense (AKA, it is quiet), so I have to turn up the volume so as to hear the TV above the dog and bird. It is some kind of hide-and-seek scene, and the hero has cleverly secreted himself behind some rafters, but it is hot, and sweat is dripping down his nose, threatening to betray him with the sound of a single water drop. The music pulses slowly like a heart-beat, and you see the bad-guys slow, stalking footsteps as he comes around the final corner . . . and then: 

I ALWAYS THOUGHT MY CONSTIPATION WAS 'CUZ I EAT A POUND OF CHEESE AT EVERY MEAL, BUT MY DOCTOR TOLD ME THAT I JUST NEED TO TAKE ONE CONSTIGONE TABLET A DAY, AND NOW I CAN POOP LIKE I HAVE AMOEBIC DYSENTERY!

AAAAaaaarrrrggh! Not only are the commercials loud, but they are ridiculous, which totally kills my movie buzz, and which also leads me to my next point - Pharmaceutical adds should be more tightly regulated.

Let me explain. I think it should be illegal to run a commercial for any pharamceutical wherein the list of adverse side effects is longer than the list of positive effects. Have you seen these ads? It is like this: "Constigone tablets, when taken with a diet rich in fiber and water and wood pulp, have been shown to reduce constipation in 3% of participants in a double-blind study. Results are not typical. Participants also reported experiencing vomiting, nausea, head aches, numbness of the tongue and scalp, vertigo, psychosis, growth of additional limbs and skin discoloration. Constigone is known by the State of California to cause cancer and Republicanism. So ask your doctor if Constigone might be right for you!"

Yeah -- FAIL.

OK, so the last one is the one that bugs me the most, and is also the most ubiquitous. It is the almost-statement, or the near-claim. Not only are these annoying, but they are insulting, and could only be intended to play upon the perceived stupidity of the purchasing public. Let me give you an example. There is an ad running right now for a car. Let's call it the Niceson Impressive. The whole ad is based on the premise that a competing car company, Boy-Yoda doesn't have a comparable car in the same price range. So basically, the Impressive is compared to something that doesn't exist. The question I am left asking is this: what kind of crap-log is this car, that it has to be compared to nothingness in order to compare positively?

And then there is this one: the "5 times better" non-claim. They appear in commercials like this: "Our new line of Constigone works 5 times better, with fewer side effects!" 

Sounds good right? Well, not to me. 

I am left asking - 5 times better than what, precisely? Fewer side effects than what? It sounds like they are making a big claim, but they are saying precisely nothing. 

It would be like me advertising myself like this: "Try the new and improved Dan, now 5 times stronger and 100% taller!" I can get away with it, because I am only claiming to be 5 times stronger than my Beagle, and 100% taller than a 3'1" tall child. You have to read the small print, which is written in nanites on the bottom of the screen for a nanosecond.

So yeah, that is what I hate about commercials. At least some of the things I hate about commercials. So how do I strike back? I make a point to remember which items have the worst ads, and I boycott them. Forever. Take THAT, Oxyclean!

Back in the Saddle!

I am back in business! What is more, I am in business for myself!

On Monday I officially opened the doors of Riverbend Counseling, and I am now the proud owner of my own business. 

I am equal parts excited and terrified.

I am excited because of all of the different opportunities that are now open to me. I can now start to realize some of the dreams I have always had, and make a practice that truly reflects my own personality and philosophy.

I am terrified because, as of right now, I am paying money to work. I have a few leads on clients, but nothing really concrete. So that is going to be the first order of business: get some clients.

I am working on that aspect of things right now. Meeting with folks in the community, in the Church, in schools. Basically just getting my name out there and hoping that someone will take a shot with me.

So many of you have been helpful and supportive. Thank you for that. There have been plenty of obstacles, from politics to bankers to office logistics, and those obstacles have been depressing. But then we get phone calls, emails, and Facebook messages that are so uplifting and encouraging that we know we can go on. We have also gotten so much direct support from our friends and family. It is reaffirming to see that, when the chips are down, our friends and loved ones have stepped up to help us out. We are so grateful for that support and kindness you have shown.

So keep your eyes open for new developments. I have a website that is under construction, and as soon as it is up I will be posting weekly blog entries on mental health topics. I will be posting links to that blog on this one.

So now it is win or go home time. I have always wanted to start a private practice, but I always imagined I would wait until I was in my 40s and the economy was booming. Well, that is not the hand I was dealt, but I am still going to make a run for it.

So, if you know anyone who needs a good therapist, I am available. In fact, I have appointments open from 9:00 to 6:00, Monday through Friday. The number to call is 303-250-8329. Ask for Dan, and tell him that Dan sent you.

Happy Easter

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.

King Louie

It has been a long time since I last had a dog. To be honest, I never really had a dog of my own. My family has had dogs. Several in fact. There were the Samoyed Huskies when I was very little, then a succession of black labs, including Briquette and Muscles. And then of course, there was Gizmo. The family has always had dogs, but they were more like community property, belonging to everyone together and no one specifically. To be fair, the whole family actually belonged to Gizzy, but that is to be expected from Chihuahua royalty.

But now I have my own dog. My very own. And it is incredible. Louie is, without a doubt, the best dog I have ever had. Gizzy is a very close second, may she rest in little doggy peace, but there is just something special about Louie.

As I have struggled with unemployment, and the injustice of the whole situation, there have been times when the emotion of it all has overwhelmed me. There was one instance, when I was searching in vain for new job postings and feeling particularly bitter and angry, when Louie made himself noticed. I sat at the computer with bitter tears welling in my eyes, and Louie came up to me, tail wagging and floppy ears dangling. He put his front paws on my knees, and wanted to come up. I picked him up, and he started licking the tears off my cheeks, and then nuzzled down into my neck. It was precisely and exactly the emotional support that I needed at the moment, and it came from a dog.

How do they know? How do dogs know just how to respond to human emotion? Do we smell different when we are upset? Do they have a special 6th sense for picking up on human emotions? However they do it, I am grateful for it.

I am especially grateful for Louie in a way that many people will never be able to understand. I know it is irrational, and I am even a little embarrassed to admit it, but Louie is like the son Dana and I have been unable to have.

Some of you will know what I am talking about, because you have been there. You have struggled to have children, and in the mean time, you have been enormously grateful for the unconditional love of a dog (or two). You know who you are.  The rest of you will just have to imagine. When what you want most of all in the world is to have children, a dog is like a godsend. A dog gives you someone to love, someone to teach, and someone to take care of. And a dog loves you back. A dog gives you a reason to refer to your wife as "mommy," which is a gift of such great value that I can't even describe it. A dog of my own has given me somebody who looks up to me, someone who depends on me. Someone who makes me feel, even just a little bit, like a dad. And that, again, is a gift of such great value as to defy description.

I love him. More than is even remotely logical. He is the best therapist I have ever had, and exactly what Dana and I need right now. I love what he has done for her, and how often he makes her smile with affection and pride. He is not a pet at all. He is family.

Which, in what might be an odd turn, helps me to feel even more confident about our adoption decision. I figure, if I can love a little adopted four legged beagle as intensely as I do, then loving an adopted baby should be as natural as sunrise. I think I always knew that, but having the proof right in front of me, licking my toes and making me laugh in spite of myself, makes me that much more certain.

One More Adventure in Joblessness

I thought I would take the opportunity of this beautiful lazy Sunday morning (love 1:00 church!) to fill you all in on how the job search is going, since many of you have asked me and given me very warm wishes and encouragement.

Basically, I have sent my resume out to every position that looks even remotely close to what I do, and I have heard back from three spots already. I have also had two preliminary interviews. One of them was really good, and the other was, well terrible. Let me explain. . . no, no, there is too much. Let me sum up.

The first interview I had was the terrible one. It was at a residential treatment facility for teens in Wheat Ridge. From talking to the director, Dr. P on the phone it was clear that he was opinionated and offensive, and that he lacked even the basic social grace of not being a jerk to strangers. For instance, he stated on the phone, before he even knew anything about me, that he was taking applications from "social workers, retards and Republicans." Now, I dunno if that sort of thing is supposed to be funny, but I didn't think it was funny at all. I gave him a courtesy laugh, because I was trying to get in his good graces, but that was the first very bad sign.

So then I show up for the interview two days later. I was on time, by which I mean I was 15 minutes early. I was given some paperwork to fill out, which I did. It was a lot of paperwork and took me nearly 45 minutes to finish. When I was done, Dr. P had still not arrived for our appointment. So I wandered around the waiting room, looking at the paintings and books. For 30 more minutes. In the end, my interview did not start for a full hour and a half later than the scheduled time. Second very bad sign. I took that as evidence that this guy is clearly ego-centric and inconsiderate, feeling entitled to other peoples' time and having no respect for their schedules.

So he finally comes in with two of the other therapists who would have been my colleagues if I had hired on there. He starts asking questions, but it was not like a usual interview in which the interviewer actually wants to learn things about the interviewee. No, it was more like an inquisition. I made a statement on one of the forms he gave me that I prefer to be transparent with my clients about what is going on, and what I am thinking. He asked me what I meant by that, then cut me off three words into my answer to tell me that transparency is wrong, and then rambled for ten minutes telling me why I was wrong, and what he thinks transparency should be. He did that sort of thing often: cutting me off during my answer. Third very bad sign.

The last straw was the worst one, and it was this: the guy was a world class jerk. If I ever meet someone who is as big an unprovoked jerk as Dr. P, I will give that man an award. He was so brusk, so off-putting, so offensive in the interview that I can only imagine what he is like to people he is familiar with. He swore all over the place, and not just in common places. He was vulgar, rude and thoughtless in his comments. He claimed to be "culturally sensitive" and asked me all sorts of aggressive questions about my ability to work well with other cultures. The whole time I am thinking to myself "Buddy, you are a complete tool, and the most insensitive guy I have ever met." And then, after a particularly vulgar tirade, he asked me if I have thick skin. I told him, "You haven't even phased me yet."

Then he says, and this is a direct quote (my apologies to the sensitive) "Don't be so narcisistic. I get a hard-on from jerking people around, and you haven't even taken a wrinkle out of my dick." And that was pretty much the end of the interview. Go out with a bang, eh? 

And this guy claims to be able to be sensitive enough to help people with their problems? I doubt seriously if he can even see them past his own swollen ego. Fourth and final very bad sign. So thanks Dr. P, for replacing the pedophile principal of my old elementary school as the biggest jerk I know.