Terminator: Salvation Review

Remember that whole scandal back when Terminator: Salvation was being made? You know, the one where Christian Bale went all psycho on a crew member for walking into the shot, and verbally assaulted him for about five minutes? Yeah, well I finally figured out where all that anger came from.

See, I just watched that movie. It makes complete sense to me now. I think that if I had been given several hundred million dollars to make a major blockbuster movie, and despite my best efforts that movie refused to be saved from complete suckiness, I would be pretty testy too.

This movie was a complete joke. It had all the elements of post-apocalyptica that Hollywood does so well, with the dazzling explosions and car crashes, and cool CGI robots. They even resurrected young Arni to come back and kick some trash for a while. The tragedy is that the movie failed to do one crucial thing: make sense.

The list of stupid impossibilities that I saw in this movie completely obliterated my suspension of disbelief. For instance: Sky Net is capable of finding and hunting down three lonely little people in all the vastness of blown-to-hell Los Angeles, simply because someone played some old butt-rock on a car radio. But for some inexplicable reason, this same omnipotent Sky Net can't manage to find the fully operational AIR BASE and all the HELICOPTERS. (sorry, but this kind of stuff makes me angry. Something about insulting my intelligence for the sake of taking a short-cut to a dramatic scene, and letting logic and rationality suffer for cinematography.

There were a bunch of other things. Like why on earth are there random fires burning all over the place? Didn't this war happen years ago? Not even tires burn that long. Sure, it looks cool and all desolate-like, but seriously: fires. burn. out. eventually. And while we are talking about fire, there was this hall-of-famer: someone tells the new cyborg GI Joe that it is dangerous to move around at night because the uber-bots see infrared. Good to know. But then, maybe ten minutes later, Cyborg GI Joe has saved a street-savvy A-10 Warthog pilot and they hole up for the night AND MAKE A BONFIRE! Holy sweet *#@#! For the love of $%#&! Oh, the HUMANITY!!!

Ok, I am calm again. But seriously, this is what Hollywood spends millions on? Flashy lights, chase scenes, and super-star paychecks? It seems to me that there must have been at least some money in that pot to pay a guy to check the story-board and catch these blatantly illogical snafus. Such as the dramatic final "bad-guys-get-what-they-deserve" scene, when they blow Sky Net straight to Hades in nuclear fire. Why, oh sweet mercy, why does the rescue helicopter have to be flying RIGHT OVER THE EXPLOSION?

So yeah, if it was my movie, I would be pissed as all get out. So Christian Bale, I am right with you. After watching this movie, I think you may have even been too easy on the guy.